Hard To Be Patient

I have one girl who I’m friends with and she likes me more than that just like I do with her. The only problem is I have to wait for her to “heal” from a bad relationship she had. She tells me to be patient and just wait for her but it’s hard. She wants me to be more than just a rebound guy and will be ready for a serious relationship. It’s just hard to wait and I’m worried she will find someone else. She’s told me not to worry but I haven’t exactly had the best track record with my exes. I got cheated on at least five or six times and she knows that. She promised me she won’t do that to me and said “just stay strong it’ll be worth it sweetie”. I trust her but it worries me still you know?

Trekapedia wrote:I have one girl who I’m friends with and she likes me more than that just like I do with her. The only problem is I have to wait for her to “heal” from a bad relationship she had. She tells me to be patient and just wait for her but it’s hard. She wants me to be more than just a rebound guy and will be ready for a serious relationship. It’s just hard to wait and I’m worried she will find someone else. She’s told me not to worry but I haven’t exactly had the best track record with my exes. I got cheated on at least five or six times and she knows that. She promised me she won’t do that to me and said “just stay strong it’ll be worth it sweetie”. I trust her but it worries me still you know?

I'd move on. I hate when women play that game

I would too but she just got out of it and I trust her. She’s never steered me wrong and she knows what happened with my exes. She even told me when she gets in a serious relationship with me, she’s with me for good.

I would say it depends on what it is she needs to 'heal' from and what she is doing to heal. My ex cheated on me and left me wondering what was wrong with me to cause her to mess around. But sitting back wasn't the answer, rebounding was. I agree she shouldn't just jump headfirst into another relationship, but if she genuinely wants to be with you and made that clear, then her best bet would be to lay down a commitment, not keep you in stand-by mode. Ultimately it's your call, and I wish you strength and happiness. Best wishes, bro

I dated a girl once... I was her first relationship after a messy divorce and apparently she felt we were moving too fast... Which was strange to me since I felt if we were moving any slower we would've been pen-pals, but she got nervous and decided she just wanted to focus on being friends for a while. I still liked her so I begrudgingly accepted, and she promptly disappeared from my life for several months. Complete radio silence, wouldn't answer calls or emails and it wasn't like I was constantly hounding her either. I felt I was doing my best to give her space like she wanted, and couldn't understand what I'd done wrong. Naturally, I assumed she was done with me, just like pretty much every other guy or girl would've in that same situation. Even the friendship part felt bogus by this point.

She eventually came back into my life a couple of months later and expected to pick up right where we left off... I was a little offended of course since she'd basically been ghosting me for weeks, but I still liked her and wanted to give it a shot. Turns out she really was just scared, and a lot of our issues were just big misunderstandings. Long story short, we've been happily married for 16 years now, and I'm glad I was patient with her. Turns out that was one of the things that won her over. I mean, where else was I gona find someone who thinks a perfectly acceptable anniversary date is to go see a horror movie, and then hit a haunted house afterwards? I hit the jackpot and I know it.

Obviously my wife and your friend are two completely differen't people, so I can't say for sure if she really just needs time or if she's just messing around with you. At least she's being upfront with you about what she wants. One good thing about being friends with someone first is that friends are more likely to show you the person they truly are, so hopefully you should know if she's the type of person who would lead a guy on.

Ultimately, you can only do you. If you feel she's worth waiting for then try to be patient, It could be worth it in the end. If you feel like she's jerking you around, you might want to consider moving on or just staying friends. You know this person better than any of us do after all.

@Trekapedia
Relationships can be rough. I agree with giving her space to "heal". I don't know how long she may need, but if you feel she is worth it, then give her the benefit of the doubt. Best of luck to you in finding happiness.

@jasn88cubs
I've never been a fan of mind games either.

@SonofOdin6039
I've been telling people for years that if you get cheated on, it's the cheater that has the problem.

@I'm Not a Goalie
Your story is an inspirational one.

Ty all. The girl told me yesterday “stay strong it will happen soon, especially since you’re cute, sweet and kind.” Made my day even better especially since I got a good year in review evaluation on Tuesday.

Well, now she said since we work together, she doesn’t want it to be awkward if we were to break up. She told me I will find someone and deserve someone better than her. I hope so because it’s hard to believe when I’ve been cheated on by five different girls.

Trekapedia wrote:Well, now she said since we work together, she doesn’t want it to be awkward if we were to break up. She told me I will find someone and deserve someone better than her. I hope so because it’s hard to believe when I’ve been cheated on by five different girls.

Yeeeeah sounds like she was gaslighting you.

The concept of Red Flags is to help indicate ones insecurities/toxicity

It seems she just wanted a casual fling...how would working together make it awkward? That is called "Avoiding" it sounds like she prefers you guys being fuck buddies instead of boyfriend and girlfriend.

You dont deserve such a person in your life! You deserve someone who is on the same level of loyalty, respect, and honesty as you are.

Ty yeah she didn’t even get together with me like that. She chose some jerk who is rude when he sees me. He’s always been rude to me and others so too bad. I can do better and I just hope I can find my soulmate. I always say I’d like to find the Lois to my Clark and I hope that’ll happen someday.

Trekapedia wrote:Ty yeah she didn’t even get together with me like that. She chose some jerk who is rude when he sees me. He’s always been rude to me and others so too bad. I can do better and I just hope I can find my soulmate. I always say I’d like to find the Lois to my Clark and I hope that’ll happen someday.

Too bad for Her bro……and you will find that person you are looking for…….It will happen.
Look for someone with whom you have common interests in or someone who respects and appreciates what you do and love to do…..
I usually don’t like giving others advice about people I don’t know anything about……and especially don’t like giving others advice on what to do in relationship situations but the more you posted about the situation the more I got the vibe she prefers to keep you at a distance whether it’s because you are always there for her and she isn’t looking for that right now or because she doesn’t feel the same way you do.
The issue I have was you said she kept saying things like after she “heal up” from the last relationship or that you “should be patient” and “that it will happen” and “worth it.”
These kinda statements are red flags for me I understand wanting space after ending a relationship and people are complex and all that but we still have core instincts base feelings….. you know if you have feelings for or are attracted to someone in or out of a relationship what makes us more than animals is knowing better than to act on those feelings and instincts…..my gut tells me she isn’t in the same place as you and wanted to keep you on the hook waiting for her when she is ready, your best bet is to move on and show no more interest and keep looking for your soul mate… she is out there or this one will see what’s right in front of her and will make a complete 180 in your direction…. I don’t know if she is the one you are looking for only you will if that happens.

Either way I know you will find the right person for you.

As @OCT 31 1978 also said you will find that person @Trekapedia you just got keep searching!

You dont need to be on a hook for someone is just fishing and baiting for a "Shoulder to Cry on."

Keep us updated! If she say or does something you find fishy.

I will ty folks. I’m just tired of being cheated on. I swear I’m having Good Luck Chuck flashbacks where he hooks up with a girl and it leads her to find the person she should be with. I hope I do find my Lois Lane.

Trekapedia wrote:I will ty folks. I’m just tired of being cheated on. I swear I’m having Good Luck Chuck flashbacks where he hooks up with a girl and it leads her to find the person she should be with. I hope I do find my Lois Lane.

We here for you bro this forum isnt just about Friday the 13th related content this is a safe place.

Ty again everyone. I think there’s another girl at work who likes me. She always makes sure she hangs out with me the entire time and says I need to believe in myself because she thinks I’m very cute.

I'm glad it worked out for you, bro. I don't think there is anything worse than being stuck in limbo not knowing where you stand. I commend you on your patience and resolve. I can relate completely, but enough about that. I wish you all the happiness this other girl can bring you and more. Stay strong and look to that horizon.

Also, Fair Play, I thank you for your kind words regarding my cheating ex. It's a long story, but the summary is that it left me feeling like a loser, but the truth about her revealed itself and I was able to bounce back and get back to a normal life. So there is always hope. Cheers, and game on, my friends

SonofOdin6039 wrote:Also, Fair Play, I thank you for your kind words regarding my cheating ex. It's a long story,  but the summary is that it left me feeling like a loser,  but the truth about her revealed itself and I was able to bounce back and get back to a normal life. So there is always hope. Cheers, and game on, my friends

No one deserves to be Cheated on.

You and everyone deserve someone who is loyal, honest, and loving.

Word of advice...keep work and your personal life separate if at all possible. Your income depends on you being gainfully employed.
The office isn't the place for playing grab ass. If it ends badly you could be looking at problems you could live without. Work can be stressful enough without the added HR nightmare a work relationship gone south can visit upon you my friend. Depending on the type of job you have could mean work romances might be deemed improper anyway. Speaking only from my own experience
Being retired ARMY it was against UCMJ for NCO's to even associate with lower enlisted out of a military environment. Same with Officers and enlisted men. Not to say your job is to that extreme but even in the civilian sector rules are most likely in place. I'd check with your HR department for guidance on said matters.
Be very weary and go with your gut on matters of the heart. Take care what you allow as far as behavior in others. Your teaching others by what you allow and don't allow in the way of how they can treat you. Trust but verify, gaslighting of any sort is unacceptable. Be safe.

˙ʇsɐoʇ ɥɔuǝɹɟ ʇɐǝ I uǝɥʍ lɐʇuǝuıʇuoɔɹǝʇuı ɯ,I ʇnq 'ʇsɐoq oʇ uɐǝɯ ʇ,uop I 'ɓɐɹq oʇ uɐǝɯ ʇ,uop I

I call those words of wisdom

With more words of wisdom...

Always notice the red flags about your partner never ignore the changes to your lover (Girlfriend/Boyfriend) maks sure you know them well before entering any relationship.

The red flags were that the bank statements kept getting intercepted and she was being a little too nice to me to diatract me from the truth. Go figure

Jason Voorhees wrote:With more words of wisdom...

Always notice the red flags about your partner never ignore the changes to your lover (Girlfriend/Boyfriend) maks sure you know them well before entering any relationship.

Very true....remember a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.